Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish

August 3rd

2009-08-03T17:05:00.000-07:00

I hate August 3rd. A year ago Chris came home. Blech. I don't feel like reminiscing so I'm not going to. Just know. I hate August 3rd.

Jalyn and I are going back to school! yay! I know, this is like the 80th time I've gone back. I just need to figure out what the heck I am doing with my life. I'm 23. Its time to slow the fuck down and grow up. I feel I am fully recovered from this crap- emotionally at least. And I'm ready to move on. But I can't move on until I have direction. At least that is how I feel.

New job starts next week. But I have to go to an orientation tomorrow. Can I shoot myself? For real. I've worked there. I know what to do. You're making me be a bagger. Are you SERIOUS?! UGH!! But, suck it up. Money is money. I cannot wait to get everything paid off. I cannot wait to not have to stress about money. I completely plan to keep both jobs so I can get on my feet. I want to move out. I love my parents. But its getting old living here.

Be on the lookout for pictures from this weekend. Drunky (not me) had the camera and she took like a million pictures. This should be good.

Wish List Wednesday

2009-07-29T00:55:00.000-07:00

I thought since it was 1 am that I was posting this wayyyy earlier than Jennifer (The Foster Family) and therefore I wouldn't have the link. Ahhh but she beat me to it and already posted hers and a link!

Okay so here we go.

1. Amanda reminded me last week that I need to take a trip to Florida. I can't believe I forgot to post that! So #1 is a trip to florida!

2. Okay, I understand he's married. I even get that he has two daughters. But, is that gonna stop me?! Ask anyone around me. I will marry this man. Haha okay that's creepy. But you might wanna keep me away from him cause whose to stop me from kissing him?? Jason Aldean :) (oh why yes, this is my cell phone wallpaper haha)

3. No credit card debt. The fact that he fucked me over when he divorced me, is killing me. I'm not even gonna post how much debt he left me in (oh and he walked away from it all!) but lets just say I'm 23 and getting away from it isn't even an option right now- there's a reason I have two jobs.

4. Teeeechnically this is stolen. But, I've been thinking all night how bad I need a massage. Volleyball is kicking my ass right now :(

5. And because I have the patience of a 5 year old. I wish New Moon would come out already. You can only read books so many times before you want to see the movie... rather Rob Pattinsons face.

Oh and I have no idea if that's an official poster or not. I had never seen it before and so I figured why not?

Volleyball on Tuesdays

2009-07-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

Yes. I have been back to playing volleyball for the past 4 weeks now. I can safely say that I have successfully forgotten how to play. No. I didn't forget the rules or the basics. In fact, most of it came back- covering the block, my (amaaaaaazing) jump serve, setters hands. But explain to me why I have THE WORST timing I have ever seen in my life? No, I'm down there with the 14 year olds I used to coach (well I subbed for their coach, I had the 16 year olds). I hit like 90% today WITH MY FOREARM!!! WTH?! Okay, giving myself a bit of a break, it was a guys net and there were 4 of us so I was tired. But really?? I've NEVER done that, not even when I was 10 and just starting. Hitting has never been a challenge for me, it just came naturally. Sooo again, I repeat MY FOREARM?! Arg... Whatever, my college days are over, and tonight made that absolutely clear. But I'm playing in the Palomar Alumni Game in August. Back on a girls net. We'll see if that goes any better.

I got a second job. I'm back to working at the Vons I used to work at. I'm excited to be back. I missed the people there. They are amazing.

Other than all that, life has been slightly uneventful. And I am okay with that. The divorce is final very soon. And right now, that's all I can ask for.

Fighting Like A Girl

2009-07-17T01:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I absolutely love this song by Bomshel. I used to hate the group because I thought they were stupid (crap if you heard Bomshel Stomp you know what I mean). Well anyways, I just had a really bad night. I don't want to go into it really. I'm just honestly hurt right now. Anyways, I have this song on repeat right now. Its making me feel a little bit better.

Little girl alone on the playground
Tired of gettin' teased and gettin' pushed around
Wishin' she was invisible
To them

She ran home cryin'
"Why do they hate me?"
And Mama wiped the tears and said
"Baby, you're brave and you're beautiful.
So, hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl."

At 31 she was wheelin' and dealin'
Kept on hittin' that same glass ceilin'
She was never gonna one of the boys, no
She coulda gave up on her ambition
And spent the rest of her life just wishin'
Instead she listened to her mama's voice sayin'

"Hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl."

Oh, with style and grace
Kick ass and take names

Ten years of climbin' that ladder
Oh, but money and power don't matter
When the doctor said "the cancer spread"
She holds on tight to her husband and babies
And says "this is just another test God gave me.
And I know just how to handle this"

I'll hold my head high
I'll never let this define
The light in my eyes
Love myself, give it Hell
I'll take on this world
If I stand and be strong
No, I'll never give up
I will conquer with love
And I'll fight
Like a girl

Wish List Wednesday

2009-07-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try to start doing wishlist Wednesday every day...

1. An Ipod Touch. I don't have an ipod at all. Sad right? I don't want an iphone because I just got my new blackberry and I am in love. But I really really want an ipod touch.

2. A new windshield. Mine is cracked something fierce. And some of us don't make very much money. So it goes on the list lol. (this isn't my car lol)

3. This man. He is amazingly beautiful

4. Canon Rebel. I have the film camera and I want the digital

5. A home. Or at least somewhere to live thats not with my parents. I love my parents, but it gets annoying.

Biggest Loser

2009-07-13T13:35:00.000-07:00

I've started doing CW's Biggest Loser again. I need to stick with it this time. In a week I lost 3.4 pounds. I know that isn't going to always be a typical weight loss. Once you get low enough it gets harder. But I'm trying. I've become increasingly unhappy with how I look and what I weigh.

Every week there are food challenges and exercise challenges. This week it is to drink half your body weight (in ounces) in water. Which means I'm drinking 94 ounces of water every day. Thats a ton! But I think its attainable. I'm taking a page from Suz Steece at Steece's Pieces and carrying around the same water bottle all day and just refilling it. I might add the crystal light packets like she was (is?) doing too. I think if I don't think about it, it will be easy.

As far as exercise goes, I've been running and playing volleyball really. Nothing exciting and nothing too new. I played volleyball for like ever. From 5th grade until my second year in college. I took a few years off, playing intermitently. I recently got in contact with an old friend from high school and he got me to play in a volleyball league with him. So Cyndi and I have been doing that for 2 weeks now. I am in heaven. I have missed volleyball so so much. I'm a bit rusty though. If I could remember how to jump it would be nice. Haha okay thats a joke. I can jump just not as high as I was once able to. Its so nice to be back though. I love it.

I've never really been huge on running. Though, when I had to I've always been pretty decent at long distance running. I'm still really out of it. I can't even make it a full freaking mile without stopping. But again, slowly but surely.

I believe Biggest Loser is 12 weeks, and in that 12 weeks I would like to loose 20 pounds. It would be nice if I could get that close. I'll keep you updated <3

1 Year Ago

2009-06-30T23:47:00.000-07:00

(I stole this from my CW post. But I feel like it needs to be written other places)

1 Year Ago, I visibly noticed the end of my marriage. I can't, of course, pinpoint the day he cheated. I can't pinpoint the day things really went wrong. But last year he was supposed to be home by July 4th. When it came close to 4th of July and we had no date, things fell apart. We started fighting about everything. We pretended like things were okay. They weren't. The other woman started writing him letters. And his affection switched. I pretended to you guys that everything was fabulous and I was looking forward to him coming home. The truth? I wasn't. I knew when he came home we were going to have some pretty big knock out blow outs. Did I think it would ever come to this? The thought crossed my mind. I did send a few messages to people about it. But I never thought it would happen. I thought we were tough. I thought that we could make it. We had a day and a half where things were good. We went to bed and held each other all night. I woke up the next morning, completely awestruck that he was finally laying next to me. 2 deployments, 15 months, he was home and we didn't know for how long, but he was next to me. And that was all that mattered. We spent the second day in the house talking about his deployment. About the things he couldn't tell me over the phone. And we went to my parents for dinner. The next morning was the beginning of the end. He wanted to go to her house for a BBQ. I didn't. I didn't think it was fair that I was expected to go to her house when I told him that I didn't feel comfortable around her. He went anyways. The next day we got in a fight in naval hospital. His friend had surgery. And we were picking him up. We fought about, what else, her. And then he wanted me to get his friends medicine. Which idk how I felt about it. But, I didn't want to get it. It was the end. The very visible end. I think his friend knew. We were fighting like it was cool.

I don't remember where it went from there. Its all a big blur. I felt like I was tumbling head first down a hill and I couldn't stop. It felt as if anything that could go wrong would go wrong, Murphy's Law. I pushed. I pushed to fix it. I pushed to do anything he wanted. I cleaned. I cooked. I did everything he asked. I even invited her over. But it didn't work. The fighting got worse. He came home less and less. I don't know where he was staying. He told me once, his friends down in San Diego. Other than that he never told me. I still tried to put on a happy face. I didn't tell too many people what was going on. I think at this point you guys were clued in. But I don't remember how much I told you. There were very few people who knew the extent of everything. I was embarrassed, ashamed, hurt, betrayed and depressed. I didn't want people to know what I was going through. It was, thus far in my life, the darkest hour. Its what has made me who I am, a year later. It was a very defining moment in my life.

To this day I still hurt. I have come a long way, but I hurt. I still have a lot of healing to do. I have flashbacks (not in the PTSD way, but I just start remembering). I wonder why. What did I do wrong? There are moments I feel like I did something wrong and God is punishing me. Though, I know that is not true. I know that God isn't punishing me. I actually wonder if he was saving me, from being miserable. There are times when I wonder why I keep getting short changed, but everything goes his way. But I know its going to come back around to him. I will probably write something like this in about 2 months, when its about the time I moved out on him. Its a really weird feeling. And I don't even know why I am writing this. I feel like I need to tell someone these things. Someone who went through it with me. Someone who maybe has a little more grasp on what happened, then most people do.
I owe some people a few thank you's. I really don't want to forget anyone. But so so so many people helped me that I may forget specific instances and I'm really sorry for that!

Hannah: First and foremost, I wouldn't have made it through all this without you. Without wine, without somersaults and guitar hero and the MTV awards. Without long walks and laughs and missing work. You came running when I needed a translator, you told me about what fell out of the trash, you met me in the driveway with wine. If you hadn't been at the mall with me that day, I don't know if I would have ever moved out. You gave me the strength I needed to do what was best for me. Thank you for crying with me, and when my hysteria got the best of me, for cracking up with me. Thank you for knowing exactly why I was laughing, without needing to be told. I wasn't kidding when I told you that I don't think I would have survived this if it weren't for you. I truly love you. And I will forever cherish you.

Ashley K: You have been an amazing friend. You and Sean understood when Hannah and I couldn't come up, that I had to move. You chatted late at night with me, you helped me attempt to figure it out. Words cannot express how understanding and awesome both you and Sean have been.

Diana: Though I'm not sure you remember, You helped when I started noticing things getting bad. You gave me the best advice. You are the reason I tried so hard. And that makes you part of the reason I have gotten so strong through all this.

Amanda S. and Cassie: Thank you so so so much for talking to me late at night, for allowing me to randomly text you, when I needed someone to vent to.

If I missed you, please please let me know. Those few months are such a blur that I don't remember exactly what happened. And if you read all this, kudos to you! I don't expect responses. I just had a lot of gratitude to express to you ladies for getting me through this last year. Words do not describe how thankful I am. I am truly at a point in life where I am very happy with the relationships I have.

Tonight I played volleyball for the first time in 3 years. I have never felt more alive. More like myself. I really feel like I am starting to go full circle.

Thank You.

TFLN

2009-06-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted to do something like this. And I finally saw a blog where someone else was obsessed. So here we are...

TextsFromLastNight.com
Here are my thoughts on a few of these:

(703): The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've seen cops like this. In fact, one night Jalyn and I were in the backseat and our DD got pulled over (he was sober). All the cop really said was "why are they in the backseat and you are driving? That's bullshit!" And we were on our merry way!

(802): that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My sentiments exactly!! She does a horrendous job as Bella. NOT who I would have picked.

(703): While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No! Random sex can't happen when you are alone in your bed! That's called random masturbation.

(970): I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Bad Night... Or Bad Morning? The douche that did this deserves his balls cut off. What went through his head to do this? "Hmm let me keep her panties as a souvenir." He must not get laid much so he has to show off.

(405): So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
(1-405): Oh.My.God.
Sadly. I believe this could and would happen. And she wouldn't understand when it came back dirty...

Not my proudest moment and Ice Skating

2009-06-02T17:58:00.000-07:00

So this isn't exactly "tomorrow," but its still not a month later! lol.

Things have been going well enough. I'm loving my friends and I am super happy with life right now.

Let me tell you what happened two weeks ago, this coming Friday. I got KICKED out of the bar. Yea, you read that right. K.i.c.k.e.d.O.u.t. Its a funny story, tho. Jalyn and I decided to pregame in the parking lot before we went in, hoping to not spend as much inside. We are definitely in trouble, we drank a bottle of vodka... outside the bar. I think I ended up spending $75 inside anyways. Problem? A bit. I am still trying to piece the night together. But, I ended up standing on the bench part of the table, because I heard my friend leaving. Apparently, (I don't remember it going this way- but they swear it did) the waitress asked me to sit down. And (again according to them) I responded with "what the fuck are you gonna do about it?" Okay okay okay... anyone who knows me, knows that doesn't sound like me. So I am hesitant to believe it. I even remember, when Carrie was throwing me out, looking at her telling me I was giving the staff attitude and thinking 'what the fuck is she talking about?' But, they (friends and bouncers alike) swear up and down it happened. If it did happen, I deserved it. I do know I was pretty beligerent that night and it wasn't smart. And if I did say it, then I deserved it.
I've kinda learned my lesson from that. I've calmed down a bit. Obviously, I'm still gonna drink, but I do not plan on repeating that weekend. It was not my proudest moment.

Went ice skating with the Heather and Amber yesterday. I love those girls. I'm gonna be kinda sad when Amber moves in a few weeks. Here are some awesome pictures lol

PS- What do you think of the new background and layout? Gimme some feedback and let me know.

Stagecoach, etc.

2009-05-17T18:21:00.000-07:00

I fail. Plain and simple. I fail at writing.

I'm not even gonna post what's happened since my last post. Mostly cause I don't remember.

As of Thursday, I thought my divorce was finalized. As of about 15 minutes ago, I have decided differently. I got a paper in the mail Friday that I read over today. Google comes in handy. I feel like I have an uphill climb.

Enough of that. Let's recap with some pictures!

The weekend of April 25-26 I went to a two day country concert in Indio, California, called Stagecoach.
For what its worth: Miranda Lambert and Kid Rock

It was a good weekend. I made a ton of new friends. Who are awesome. And it really reminded me why I am glad that we are getting divorced. We would have NEVER done something like this cause he hated country.

There are big things on the horizon for me. I will try to post more on that tomorrow. When I have more info. Fingers crossed and prayers please! Its finally time I did something in my life, and this is huge for me!

Miss Me?

2009-04-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

Hello World! Did you forget me? Did you miss me? I know I've been absent for a while and I never did fully elaborate on that last post.

That last post meant I was gonna give someone a chance. I had been putting this kid off and putting him off. I did NOT want to give him a chance. But I did it. I hung out at his house and watched a movie. Ooops. That was a bad idea. But lets give him another chance. In fact I set him up for 3 chances, a Tuesday, a Wednesday and a Thursday night. I went over there Tuesday night. We watched Full Metal Jacket. I had never seen it before. A lot of talking. Oops. Okay, I'll open up to this kid. Wednesday, he cancels. Shit. Thursday, he calls me as I am getting off work and wants to go to a bar. Um, no. So he cancels. Shit. At this point, I was more than frustrated. Friday, didn't hear from him until he called C when we were at the bar. I answered her phone. It was interesting, we ended up getting into an arguement cause he hung up on me.

But that same night, I was drinking away because frankly I was pissed. They took my cell phone away (they being K and C). I ended up talking to this guy all night. We'll call him J. He was really nice. Going through the same things that I have been through. I was actually my drunkest that night, so why he put up with it, I don't know. But anyways, he got my number- somehow. He texted me the next day. Super sweet guy. We have a lot in common. He invited me to Stagecoach (http://stagecoachfestival.com/). Of course I am stoked to go. We went on a date Sunday. It was nice. Its been really nice having someone who actually cares about me.

Thursday was a very defining day in my life. I know it sounds crazy, but heres why. I went bowling with C and her boyfriend. J came with us as well. Then we all went to a bar on base. I had a feeling this might turn out bad, the first guy frequents there as do the brothers. So C got in the door first and scoped the bar. She turns and says "I'm clear!" And turns back and says "oh, you're not." YUP he was there. Lemme tell you a little something about him. He's very ominuous. Well, he sees me walk in with J and he's not too happy about it. I'm sorry, where was it written that I am dating only you? Didn't think so. Well, he stares J down. Fun. We all (C, boyfriend, me and J) go outside.He is out there. Great. He wants to talk to me. Even better. I decided why not, might as well calm this situation now. He starts telling me how he has these feelings for me, and it pissed him off seeing me walk in there with another guy. Oh, and he wanted to put his fist through J's jaw. Great. The best I could manage was "hit him and I am done, for good." He tells me "no promises." Good fun. lol. Have I ever mentioned how awesome my friends are? Boyfriend actually took me aside and told me to stick with J. That the other is no good and just drama. I noticed. But really, this was the first day I met the boyfriend, so for him to take me aside like that was huge to me. Anyways, the whole bar was trying to calm him down and not let him fight. And there were some amazing people talking to me that night. Of course none better than C who played referee all night. But we all had fun. At the end of the night, I was dancing (a little intoxicated) and he comes up to me. "Let's talk." No. I am dancing. "Come here let's talk." No I am dancing. "Its now or never." NO! I am dancing. Of course I pissed him off. He walks away, as I am watching him stare J down. And then I see a rush of people follow him out to smoke. Hmmm... Later after I was done dancing, he comes up to me and says
What you just did shows me a lot. Don't call me, don't text me, don't talk to me." I looked him square in the eye and said "no problem, I'm done." And walked away.

I do feel bad for doing it so meanly. But at the same time, dude is nothing but dramaaaa. And J is an amazing guy and I look forward to getting to know him better.

I'll write later on last night, but I'm about to get off work. Oh and did I mention I have bronchitis?

Ugh!

2009-03-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

What did I get myself into...?

...More to come on that later

What a slow weekend looks like

2009-03-09T12:40:00.001-07:00

I feel like I had a slow weekend. But it wasn't. Maybe it was just slow in the definition of men. I managed to dance with not one, but two 19 year olds (it was a favor to someone!). One of those 19 year olds being a midget. Okay, he wasn't a midget. But he was like 5'4". I'm not a short girl. I am about 5'11"- you do the math.
I also managed to stand around and look like a damn idiot while all my friends were asked to dance. That's a huge confidence boost, let me tell ya. NOT. Fuck. What is going on? I managed to find two really hot guys. Only to discover about a half hour later- THEY HAD X's! Wth?
So lemme start with Friday. K was willing to DD for me. Awesome. Love that girl. Got to the bar. Met up with C who was having drama. So we went to the bar. SoCo shots it is. Now I don't usually do shots. But when I do, I am a champ... Getting up for work was not fun. I was sick until about 5:30 on Saturday.

Saturday I was 100% sober. I wanted NOTHING to do with alcohol. I still don't. I actually had to think twice about going out that night. I learned a few new dances which I am totally proud of. Now onto some pictures...

Needless to say, I don't plan on drinking until May. Even though that's a lie. I don't really want to repeat Friday night/Saturday morning over again. Unless I don't have to work. So we'll see, right?

She's Country

2009-03-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

I've been into Jason Aldean sice "Amarillo Sky" came out. Now, he will be here in 2 weeks. And I will be there. Who is Jason Aldean?

THAT is Jason Aldean

I could stare at that face forever. Anyways, I now have the urge to get cowboy boots. And a cowboy hat. I found some boots yesterday
But I don't have $90 just lying around. So, I am ChaChaing for the money. I'm at $82 or something right now. I need $18 by the 15th in order to get my direct deposit. I think I should be able to do it. I need to find a cute hat too. Any ideas?

I'm certainly not country. But I'm as country as it comes for San Diego I think. And for the first time in a long time, I feel happy. I feel like who I am and who I am supposed to be. And that is why I am taking this and running.

There isn't much to report on any other front. I wish I could show you a picture of the new man crush. But that would be totally stalkerish. CW is down. I don't know what we are all gonna do. We sorta get lost when that happens haha.

This made my week

2009-03-01T07:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not one of those girls who will believe anything a guy tells her. Let me start there.
Last night I was out with Cyndi and Sarah. We were all in bad moods. Sarah had every reason to be. Cyndi did too. Me, not really. I think theirs just rubbed off on me. I had a moment when all I needed to do was seethe. So I walked out with Cyndi and took a cigarette. No I am not a smoker. I smoke when I drink. I wasn't drinking. I just needed to relax. There were these two guys standing next to us, but it wasn't anything, they just happened to be there. I was talking to Cyndi and moving my arms to talk and I flung my arms back, and sure enough- burned some guys hand. I felt like the biggest asshat (yes the word is actually relevent here)around. I made sure the guy was okay, and when he talked he had a Brittish accent. We thought he was faking. Turns out the two guys standing next to us were with him. He starts talking to his friend about the girl that burnt him (while standing next to me mind you). His friend had an Irish accent. We totally thought they were faking. Asked them all sorts of questions, including "why are you in America, and at the Stampede?" They told us they were in the British Navy and here for 2 weeks for a sky diving class. Bull shit. We let them know that we 100% believed that they were lying to us and that their accents were fake. But we still talked to them, they were cute.

After a while, I decided the lie was getting old and asked to see an ID to prove that they weren't from America. Damn. "British Royal Navy" was all I saw at first. Shit. They were telling the truth. That made them all the cuter. So we get to talkin. I bullshit Owen, the guy from Ireland. We were talking about Irish heritage. I Tell him that I have the most Irish name of Cyndi and Sarah. I do. Legally. Then Sarah told him not to believe me and it was my divorced name lol. True. But then I say but my first name is Colleen. Nothing makes me smile more than an Irish man telling me "Thats a good Irish name." I kinda felt like saying "well no shit." But I didn't. An American girl with an Irish name like the (it means literally "Irish Girl").

We were all out talking. And Sarah comes in to tell us that "God Bless Texas" is on. Gotta dance. Shit. The boys. So we invite them in and tell them we will teach them to dance. They took us up on it. But when we got in the song was over. Another song came on. I didn't know this one. Owen, Alex (the british guy) and I tried to learn it. I think I heard "This isn't dancing" over and over. lol.

They are in town for 2 weeks, so I told them they had to come back next weekend. We'll see if they do. But either way, I met a handful of guys (we met more later on) from the British Royal Navy. All because I burnt one with a cigarette.

I feel weird.

2009-02-23T17:13:00.000-08:00

For the last two-ish years of my life I have tried to rush through. Every day was 1 day gone, every week was another week down. Just to get to the end of a deployment. And I've found that, once you've changed the way you life your life so dramatically, its hard to go back. I don't even remember how I used to live, when I didn't hurry up and rush. During deployments I would use PostSecret to get through the week. Every Saturday night/ Sunday morning I would head over and look at the new secrets. It felt like ahh another week done. And it was an accomplishment. Last night I checked PostSecret and it was weird to me.
I have these realizations every now and then. Its like oh yea, Chris is gone. I had that last night looking at PostSecret. Only this time, it was "you're not rushing to get through a deployment, you now have to live life alone." I felt so weird about it all. Logically, I know he's gone. I know our marriage is over. And I'm totally fine with that. But its just the little things I used to do while waiting, and I need to get used to that. Reading PostSecret now is just that, reading PostSecret. Watching Grey's is just that. Life has become an endless cycle and no more rushing. And, honestly... I'm not sure what to do with that.

Amanda's advice

2009-02-22T07:41:00.000-08:00

Amanda gave me some good advice. And I will call it my grown up lesson for the week.

Don't make out with random boys then. Learn their names first.

ouch. But a very good point.

What Songs Do You Know?

2009-02-19T19:34:00.000-08:00

I totally stole this from Erica's facebook :)

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Post the first line from the first 55 songs that play.
3. Strike through the songs when someone guesses both the song and artist correctly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. I like where we are
2. We were both young when I first saw you
3. 2 dollars short of a 5 dollar bill
4. Children, sleeping, snow is softly falling
5. She dresses up her children and herds them to the car, drives down to the mega-church and can’t find a place to park.
6. When I am down and all my soul so weary
7. You're in my arms and all the world is calm
8. I'm so addicted to all the things you do
9. Come my little friends
10 Yea, This song is about you
11. Superstar, where you from? How's it goin?
12. I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
13. They say life is so much sweeter
14. Don't Cry to me, if you loved me
15. County Road 233
16. Mr. DJ can I make a request?
17. I couldn't give a damn what you said to me
18. When the Moon hits your eye
19. There's something 'bout the way the street looks when its just rained
20. I'm 5 years old its getting cold out
21. I found God, on the corner of 1st and Armistad
22. Got up on the wrong side of life today
23. A waltz when she walks in the room
24. I've always needed time on my own
25. Girl you're beautiful
26. Hey step aside brother, you're blockin my view
27. They Used to make me go to church
28. We're both looking for something
29. She got her daddys tongue and temper
30. Her momma named her Daisy
31. Her daddy gave her her first pony
32. Waking Up at the start of the end of the world
33. Run your car off the side of the road
34. No Sir, Well I don't wanna be the blame
35. Normally this time of night, you wouldn't find me here
36. It took me 5 bars, some 30 license plates
37. I don't know why I left
38. We got Tennessee Moonshine, Chicken and Beer
39. You're on the phone with your girlfriend
40. He is sensible and so incredible
41. Since the day they got married
42. 'Bout 10 years old hide and seek
43. Guess this Means you're sorry
44. I might not have a million dollars in the bank
45. I remember all my life rainin down as cold as ice
46. I'm holding on your rope
47. Boy walkin' the spot he so fresh and
48. Forgive, sounds good
49. Don't walk away like you always do, this time
50. Turn the Lights off in this place
51. How can I decide whats right?
52. Its down to this, I've got to make this life make sense
53. I'm sittin on the fender of someone else's truck
54. Baby when I look at you with your hair fallin down and your baby blues
55. I got my Sight Set on you and I'm ready to aim

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lacy I expect you to be all over this one. lol.

So comment me and tell me what songs they are. I think I'll reveal them in like a week. I'll probably post this on myspace too.. I dunno...

Grown Up Lessons Weekend 2

2009-02-15T07:22:00.000-08:00

Its called going out and having fun.
I've never really been the go out kinda girl. I'm the girl you take home to mom (though a few people may beg to differ after this weekend).
Let me start this post with a personal message. The person this is to (if she reads this, and I'm sure she will) knows who its to. I knew that there was a chance I would see you there, and I dealt with that in advance. Yes I saw you. Like you said we coulda made drama about it all, but instead we just let it all go. Its not worth ruining our nights because we had a falling out. It happens. I was having a good time, just as it seemed you were too.
Now that the word vomit and conscious are out of the way...
I had plans to go out on Friday night with some people, but unfortunately that fell through. So I was invited to go to Stampede with some girls from high school that I literally have not seen since high school. But the funny thing is we were pretty decent friends back then. I talked to Stef and she decided she would come with me, even if she HATED country (PS Stef I really owe you, thank you!). So we get ready and go to dinner and then end up at Stampede. I saw Sarah first thing when I walked in. Sarah was the birthday girl and one of my friends from high school that I was talking about. We found the rest of the girls that were with her and I was introduced to those I didn't know and I went to get a drink. It took sometime before I knew a dance to actually dance to. And when I went out there it alllll came flooding back. I knew how to do this! lol.
Cyndi and Sarah kinda know like everyone there, so I was being introduced to people left and right. It was fun. But let's just suffice it to say I kinda made myself known a little bit that first night as far as someone I was... spending time with? ... oops.
Cyndi texted me yesterday (Saturday) and said she wanted to go out, but since Sarah had her birthday dinner she couldn't go. I said lets go ahead and go, I live like a mile from there, she could crash at my place and I'll drive. So back we go. A little less eventful in the way of seeing people I didn't plan on seeing, but a fun night all together. I met more people, which I have a feeling I will be meeting more in the trips to come lol. I've slowly learned to step out and not be so painfully shy at first. I was in full on bitch mode last night. And as much as I would love to tell you the stories, idk who is going to stumble upon my blog, so ask me and I will tell you the story personally. Lets just say that I've learned to get my way :)
Slow music started to play and sadly for me, it was "Fall" by Clay Walker. That song breaks my heart. There is no reason really. Okay I lied there is. The first time I went to Stampede like last summer, some random guy came up to me and asked me to dance. I wasn't really comfortable with that since I was married and all. Well the song was "Fall." And it just got me really sad with Chris being gone at the time and all. So, for whatever reason, that song has a special place in my heart. Even now, after the divorce? idk.. So anyways Fall comes on. And this guy we were hanging out with asks Cyndi to dance. And there's no way anyone could know about this song, because this is the first time I have ever even told the story. So needless to say, I was stuck being sad to this song again. But I survived. Long enough to have him come ask me to dance after that. It was worth the wait. That's all I'm saying.
I had two other guys come up to me last night and ask me to dance. Cyndi and I concluded they were part of a rodeo. They weren't marines (which is usually the first instinct when there is a group of guys at a bar in san diego area) and they had on some rodeo jackets. Idk? And we two-stepped. I wish someone had a video camera. I sooo didn't know what the hell I was doing. And I knew the basic steps, but then the first one caught on that I knew what I was doing-ish and said that he was gonna complicate it. He started adding spins and twirls and dips and my two left feet kicked in. But I was cracking up the whole time cause I knew I looked ri-damn-diculous and I didn't care because I was out there and having fun lol.
It was a good weekend. I learned a few things (which is totally how I wanna start ending my posts)
1. I need to stop being so painfully shy
2. The line "Here's my number call me when your sober" is a good way to weed through the men.
3. Even though your shoes are cute, they will probably hurt.
4. Get to the bar early enough and even the DD can have a drink or two.
5. When its line dancing, even I can pull it off :)

Grown Up Lessons

2009-02-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

I went out last night. I've been out before. But as Colleen C. The married girl. But last night for the first time it was Colleen P. The unmarried and single. I didn't want to go out originally. But Stef talked me into it. We went to a bar in my hometown to watch her dad's band (I've been watching her dad play since like 7th grade!). Stef is a dance teacher so being with her just made me look good. Even though I can't dance and its taken her 13 years to get me on a dance floor (I can't believe I am old enough to know someone for 13 years lol)!
I have a new rule. If you went to high school with my older brother. If I can show you a picture of his baby and you tell me how much he looks like my brother, we have no future. You're too old. Okay no you're not too old. But you knew my brother when he was nerdy. And thats slightly uncomfortable for me. There's not really gonna be much there.
I had a completely sober night. I had to work this morning. Booo. I coulda gotten drunk but thats not the point.
It was fun to just get out there and be an adult and figure out how the crazy grown up world works!

Wordle- part 2

2009-02-04T22:58:00.000-08:00

I used my 25 things off of Facebook to do another wordle. I figure what better describes me?

Here is the Wordle

And in case you were wondering... Here is my 25 things..

1. I am so completely facebook illiterate that I didn't even know how to post this note.
2. I do nothing, I work, I stay at home, and I go visit the preggo
3. When I do get drunk, its a sight to be seen.
4. I am in the middle of a divorce.
5. I had myspace before myspace was cool
6. I don't know how to have a grown up relationship because I have never had to be in one.
7. I am utterly in love with Gilmore Girls
8. I had knee surgery in 2007. It was supposed to keep me from playing volleyball, but I played one last season before I gave it up.
9. I have had the same car for almost 5 years, but two years in the middle it wasn't mine.
10. I am crazy conservative. To the point where I don't see why we fight so hard for women's rights
11. Sean thinks I am destined to become a crazy cat lady, and sometimes I actually believe him.
12. I have two homes and one part time job and have no idea how I survive.
13. I once had a bartender tell me I was her hero, for downing a shot of soco and lime with no chaser. She continued to ask the person I was with if I was going to be okay. I was.
14. Though I hate the fact that I am getting divorced, my favorite thing to say is "I was a wife once, I do know how to do this."
15.I didn't drink until I was 21.
16. I never once got detention or suspended or anything of the like throughout school.
17. I am the girl you take home to mom.
19. I love talking about myself, but I get self conscious about it
18. I want at least 4 kids, and I have two of them named
20. I am strangely obsessed with a clean kitchen and I won't eat out of a kitchen that I don't know how/when someone cleaned it
21. I am a serial monogamous
22. I am living vicariously through Ashley but I am afraid I will see her baby more than my own nephew, only because I have the opportunity and my brother doesn't give that to me.
23. I sometimes wonder how I became an adult and if I really am.
24. I love the rain but I prefer to dress in summer clothes
25. I learn more about myself by reading things about other people and thinking "oh yea me too!!"

TAG...

2009-01-31T13:36:00.000-08:00

(Like Lindsay) if you're reading this, then I tag you!

I am... a daughter

I think... that people need to think more

I want... money

I have... pajamas on!

I miss... my grandpa

I fear... spiders and the dark

I feel... sleepy and confused

I hear... All American Rejects

I smell... fresh air

I crave... ice cream...

I cry... alone.

I regret... absolutely nothing

I search... for happiness

I wonder... out loud sometimes

I wish... for inner peace

I love... my family and friends

I care... way too much

I always... hate saying always

I worry... if I will ever find happiness again

I am not... the plan in advance type

I remember... when life was less complicated

I believe... It won't be as complicated one day

I sing... in my car- loud!

I don't always... understand

I argue... with just about everything

I write... very rarely

I lose... EVERYTHING!

I listen... to country a lot

I can usually be found... online or reading

I need... comfort

I forget... as much as a lose- EVERYTHING

I am happy... sometimes

A happy post finally

2009-01-31T13:04:00.000-08:00

I've had some prettttty pissed off posts lately. I'm sorry. I decided today I would do something fun...ish. How about some more photography? Remember how I pretend to do that? lol.

These are outside my parents home.

My brothers girlfriend lives with us, and for Halloween they thought it would be fun to decorate the house. Well one of the candles on the porch burned a bit too much and this is what was left lol...

VENT about my divorce!

2009-01-29T19:01:00.000-08:00

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

All through my marriage, my parents defended Chris. Everything he did was right (almost). Everything I did was wrong (again almost). If he got mad at me for spending money, he was right. I paid the bills, he was right and no one liked my budget. I *thought* my divorce meant my parents would finally be on my side. WRONG!!!!

My ID expired October 26. Chris needed to go with me to get a new one. I asked and asked and asked and he never had time. This thing or that thing (probably too busy fucking the whore!) got in the way. Finally I put my foot down and told him he had to go with me. Its not like I was asking for dinner and a movie- ITS MY DAMN ID! And what answer did I get "well I'm leaving in two days for Virginia until April." WHAT?!?!?! I knew you were leaving. But, I would have liked more than two days notice. See the problem with this was it was the beginning of January. In the beginning of January I worked 14 days in a row without a day off. I worked until 2 that Thursday and I worked from 1 until 630 that Friday. He left Saturday. He wouldn't go with me when I could. So, no ID. In the Marine Corps, no ID means no insurance. Technically I'm no longer enrolled in DEERS. And I'm getting more and more livid about this. I've tried to call his command. Wanna know what answer I got? "Ma'am are you sure he is in a unit in California?" WHAT?! YES I'm fucking sure! "Ma'am are you sure he is with us?" YES, again I am sure. I looked it up on MOL. "Ma'am he is not in our unit. You must be mistaken." EXCUSE ME?! MOL lied to me? Please. So that's a dead end.

What do my parents have to say about this? "Well maybe you shouldn't have procrastinated so long." Procrastinated?!?! I did no such thing!!! HE'S the one who wouldn't go with me! "Well you had a POA." Riiiight because using my power of attorney in the middle of a divorce would have looked good on me. My parents are taking his side.

I finally got a response from him. "Call my lawyer." Yes Chris, your lawyer has rights in the Marine Corps and they will care that I called him.

I need the CW smiley where I am banging my head on the wall!!!

A letter to the MC

2009-01-26T22:15:00.000-08:00

To: Quantico MCB
CC: Marine Corps
Subject: My friend

Dear Marine Corps;
I know you think you are wicked awesome. And most of the time you are. You keep us safe and blah blah. But here's the thing, you took my friend away at the beginning of the month. You have no idea what that has done to me. When I married into the Marine Corps, I knew what I was getting into. I knew this would happen eventually. I always thought it would be us who moved. But Chris and I are no longer married, so newsflash to you- You DON'T run my life anymore! So give me my friend back. Please?
I've had some pretty rough days of late. I need some wine. But not just any wine. The wine that brings somersaults on. The wine that causes you to dance with the guitar hero guitar. That can only be brought on when Hannah is around.
I already blame you for taking my husband to Iraq that second time. And putting that stupid whore there with him. And I also blame you for allowing them to cohabit. Because really, I thought that was against the rules. It was the one thing I wasn't afraid about. Apparently you are a liar. I really don't need anymore reason not to like you.
Don't get me wrong, you've given me the K's. They are amazing friends. But Sean is going active, and you might take them away as well. If you do that, I will really really hate you. With as much of my soul as it is humanly possible.
Sincerely,
A very angry woman.

Wordle

2009-01-22T21:55:00.000-08:00

This thing is so cool! Thank you to Lindsay over at Reporting Live for posting this on CW. It is amazing. One day I WILL sit down and write something really good about myself and post it. But for now. The lyrics to "So Close" by Jon McLaughlin. If you've seen Enchanted its the song they dance to at the end when they are at the ball. And Patrick Dempsy (*swoon*) is singing it to Amy Adams. I LOVE that song! Maybe one day I will have that moment...

Don't drink the water in CA!

2009-01-21T09:36:00.000-08:00

Send quick prayers to Brittany G. And her family today. She delivered her first son at 31 weeks and 2 days. She is 31 weeks and 3 days pregnant today and on her way to L&D.

And prayers still for the K's! Ashley was 34 weeks and 5 days pregnant yesterday and she ended up at L&D for 6 1/2 hours yesterday to try to stop contractions. I am now going to see her since she is on STRICT bedrest.

What is with the water in Cali sending these ladies into early labor?! If you live in California and you are pregnant DON'T DRINK THE WATER! lol

It's not my problem anymore

2009-01-21T09:26:00.001-08:00

I am a conservative. I am very conservative. Don't mistake it for being a goody goody (it happens). But its more traditional than that for me. I believe things should always be traditional.

Yesterday was the end of George W. Bush's presidency and I will admit, I am sad to see him go. I always felt comfortable with him in power. I know start the gasps. But he ALWAYS gave the military significant pay raises, and he made sure they were taken care of. A new presidency leaves me unsure. While many are screaming HOPE, how do we know? Anyone can promise hope. But can he actually deliver? Time will tell.

What is driving me nuts is that so many people are comparing Obama to Lincoln and JFK and all he has done is get elected. I was reading a Fox News article about it yesterday. We have been in worse economic times. But do I wish for good things. Of course I do. Who wouldn't. But time will only tell. And while everyone reveled yesterday, did they really understand that he is not a saint. He is not God. He hasn't done anything for us yet. He may end up doing WORSE than W. Who knows.

But I can tell you that if I was Former President Bush yesterday, my first thought when I got home to Texas last night and sat on my own couch would be "It's not my problem anymore."

I miss my friend

2009-01-16T15:05:00.000-08:00

I spent the hardest part of my life, thus far, with...and without... him, if that makes sense? He was deployed for a total of 14 months. Add on the month long training and thats 15 months. We were only married for 20 months. It was the strengthening I needed. When he left me it just made me stronger. It was the pain and the heartbreak that I needed.
I've always been super super trusting, of everyone. Its bad. I mean look at where I work- I have a tendency to believe the things THEY say. Haha and we all know thats not a good idea. And I would believe guys when they would tell me things. Now I have my guard. And it automatically goes up. You can be as sweet as you want to my face and be fuckin around behind my back. And that is what I am terrified. I sent my husband off to fight a war and instead he was fucking around. So think about it. I think I am justified to be afraid.
I miss Hannah. She moved to fucking VIRGINIA last week. Stupid Marine Corps. Give her back! I went shopping and I just wanted her there. Saddd. I know the MC takes people away all the time. But really... really?! NO. Who am I going to drink wine and do somersaults with? Who is going to walk with me to the PX? I drove past the main gate enterance the other day and I got so sad. She's gone. poop.
On the other hand, I have seen Ashley THREE TIMES this week. Holy hell. I don't think that has ever happened. I love her belly. I can't wait for Gunnar. I'm gonna be up there a lot more once he gets here I think.

Merry Christmas and a New Cash Cow

2008-12-27T12:26:00.000-08:00

Its been a while. Whew! As the little sister on Boy Meets World said "That was the longest time out ever!"
My birthday has come and gone. I am now 23 years old. Holy Moly! I know to most people that's young. But I have to wonder how... when... I turned 23. It's crazy!
My nephew showed up on December 11th. One week after my birthday. He isn't even my kid and I am so in love with him. Its crazy!
Christmas was a few days ago. It was good. A little bittersweet. A year ago I was married and happy. And then this year it was all gone. But I actually didn't think too much of it this week. Thankfully. It was a good time with my family. And I am thankful for that
Oh and my favorite family had their 18th child. Congrats to the Duggar's on their new cash cow.. er I mean child. True to Duggar tradition they name their little girl with a name starting with a "J". Jordyn-Grace Makiya. Honestly, little Jordyn- Grace has the prettiest name of them all. Unlike Jinger, who I am still trying to figure out WHY her parents named her that.
I have been doing some research on their "religion" to see what they are all about and WHY they have 18 children. I want a large family. I believe in God. But I am NOT crazy! They are part of a religion called QuiverFull. I found this link for their views on birth control. Now, here's the thing. I don't believe in the birth control pill. NOT because it can cause abortions as Randy Alcorn believes. But because it controls your hormones. But I 100% believe in non hormonal methods of hormones.
I found this on the QuiverFull web page. And it enraged me. I feel like he is totally saying that God doesn't like me because I can't have kids (go to the link and read the whole article to get why I said that). But this is basically saying I shouldn't even TRY to have kids...

"Some say, "Look, we're constantly interfering with God-ordained natural processes—like every time we cut our hair or fingernails; so why not use contraceptives?" I guess I see a special sanctity on the reproductive process where the analogy breaks down. God is never said to be the one who determines fingernail length, but he is said to be the one who opens and closes the womb. Hence, if we become too aggressive in our attempts to close the womb (and perhaps even to open it, as in the case of fertility treatments, artificial insemination, etc.), we may be usurping the prerogatives of God."

Ouch...
And what's more, on his website, he quotes this as well about Invitro Fertilization:

Dr. James Dobson, in his book Solid Answers, says this concerning invitro fertilization:

I believe most conservative Christians would agree this practice is morally indefensible from a biblical perspective.

So what does this mean for me? According to them, I clearly can't drug myself with medicines such as Clomid. And I can't do IVF because it it "morally indefensible." So where does that leave me?

Okay last quote.. I swear! But this is about how he voted, and why he voted for John McCain:

So, is the candidate’s stand on the issue of shedding innocent blood important enough to disqualify him as a candidate? Yes. While a single issue can’t qualify a candidate, it can disqualify him. In my opinion, this issue clearly disqualifies Barack Obama, just as it disqualified Republican Rudy Giuliani.

Don't get me wrong here. I voted for McCain. I loved his views. I am anti-abortion and totally pro-life. But here is the thing. How can ONE issue be it for these people? Does the war not matter to them? Does the economy not matter? Does healthcare not matter? Do we want to bring these babies, that seem to be the center of their whole existence, into a world with war, and one with a depression looming, and leave them with no healthcare?! Does this not matter to them? Ugh...

Okay. I totally did NOT mean to go off on that tangent. But, I feel it needs to be said. The world, or at least a lot of the world, thinks the Duggar's are great people. And while I think they their children (excluding the ones under 5 because lets face it, they are under 5 lol) are all very well behaved. And they are not horrible people. But let's take a look at where their values lie and why they lie there, before we worship them.

Have a fantabulous day loves!

Pretend.

2008-12-08T11:01:00.000-08:00

Let's pretend for a moment that I am a photographer (which I am not! lol). These would be my best shots. Well so far. I have like 12 rolls of film to be developed. Yes. Developed. I thought it a good idea to start on film. Or Ashley told me it was a good idea to learn on film. Welll... what neither of us accounted for was my obsession with the fact that I can't see what the picture turns out to be. Soooo I take like 12 of the same shot. I'm hoping for a digital sometime... sooon!

Ignore for a moment that he is picking his nose. Its hard to photograph the unwilling.And for the record I did make that diaper cake. :)

Edward.Cullen.

2008-11-24T19:06:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna get in trouble for this. But I have a new obsession. Okay not so new, but ever growing. His name is Rob Pattinson AKA Edward Cullen. IDK what it is, so don't ask me to explain it. But I've seen the movie about a zillion times already (no I'm not kidding). As one of the patients described it to me, he is the most beautiful man I have ever seen. But that's not it. He has flaws, which I don't wanna point out right now- it would ruin him. But that voice. Please tell me I'm not crazy. His voice is like.. well like Edward's was described in the book- angelic, swoonworthy. Something about it makes me want to listen to it all day.
The movie wasn't as great as I would have thought it would be. But considering it was filmed in 48 days and was low budget, what more could you ask for? I still think it was worth it to see it the zillion times though. He isn't the only cutie in the movie tho. Did anyone else find Jasper strangely attractive?

I give you- the Cullens. Emmit is cute as well. But I think its more his personality in the book than anything. Not taking life -er death? seriously. mmmm I think I'll go see it again for my birthday....

♥

Gimme Gimme!

2008-11-11T21:16:00.000-08:00

Our world has turned into a society of people walking around with their hands out. I shit you not. When did it become acceptable to take things we don't need, just because they are free. I understand that sometimes there is a dire need for things that we simply cannot afford. I understand the need of some people on Medical. I understand some people on disability. I understand some people on unemployment. What I don't get is the people who don't need it. Do they realize that they are taking it from someone who has a true need? NO because they are selfish. They don't care about anyone but themselves.
We no longer live in a society where we do what we can for ourselves. We live in a society where we want to see what society can do for us. And what if it isn't enough? They whine and bitch about it. Like we owe them or something. I never knew people deserve to get paid for sitting on their asses. I wish life was that easy. Some of us go to work for our money. I even go to work for my money and I still am poorer than dirt. So why did I see someone who I knew was on medical the other day, driving a camero? How fair is that? It sent me into a fit of rage.
I make very little money. I survive. I have an apartment (yes it is practically free, but I still pay to live here) I have a car, and I have insurance. I don't live in low income housing. I am not on medi-cal or medicare. Because I don't need it. I get by.
I am not bashing on those people who truly need it. Those who have tried and the system has failed. I understand, shit happens. But when you can afford a house and a camero, and you can go out to eat- don't take public handouts. That's just trashy.
Oh and another thing. If you are on food stamps, what in living HELL are you doing buying pizza and donuts and candy and soda? Shouldn't you worry about eating something GOOD with some nutritional value to it. I mean you can't afford to buy it. So why should we pay for it? If I know someone isn't getting to eat, I'm gonna make sure they eat the right stuff before the wrong. Just a thought...

I stalk because I care

2008-11-03T20:27:00.001-08:00

I'm glad that people are stalking me, it means that I am important enough in their lives that they want to check up on me. :)

I decided to start taking up photography as a hobby. I want to start Project 365. I found out my dad has an older SLR camera. It was from when we were younger, but I figure its good to learn on. So I take the first roll of film (black and white) take it to Walmart- they don't develop black and white. So I buy color film. Take a roll, it gets ruined. Somehow the film came OUT of the roll. So I take another roll today, take it to get it developed at Walmart- 1 hour. Walk around Walmart for an hour. Come back a little early. They hadn't started. I walked around for another 10 minutes. Came back, and they told me IT COULDN'T BE DEVELOPED. So I wasted a damn hour of my life for nothing. So upset. So I told my dad he could have his camera back. I was too pissed. I wanna give up.. but then again I don't. The pictures I took, even though I never saw them, were fun. I'm looking into one right now (thanks Aaron).

The kitties are all getting along- all THREE of them. This house is insane. Its funny.

2 New Babies!!

2008-10-26T16:56:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned before that I love the K's? Ashley wanted a dog, but they needed to get rid of their kitties first. So they gave them to us! So I have two new babies, Bella and Mini. I'll post pictures when I get some up here. They are adjusting to the new house okay. We already have one cat here, and they are all afraid of each other. Its kinda funny lol. Sapphire tries to intimidate Bella and Mini. And they are totally unphased by it. I'm way excited to have kitties of my own. I wanna be a grown up now. I am so sick of it. Blech.
Last night was Mike's birthday. I had a freakin ball. We went to the bar that he regulars. He got shit faced. Very. I We walked the three blocks home. At one point Mike fell in a bush! That's the closest I have come to ever peeing my pants ever. I was like sitting in the middle of the road laughing! "help me! I can't get up!" haha uhhmazing! And then Ashley peed in the doorway of a store we were walking by. And Chantal said our walk was uneventful! How bad are they usually?! Then we played Rockband. Think, drunk me singing. Oh my! And then we went to bed. And I somehow got up at 6 AM for work at 7... somehow...

Kitten Fever!

2008-10-22T21:46:00.001-07:00

Typically I am known for my raging baby fever. but tonight its something different, kitten fever! Due to the current state of my marital affairs, baby fever does not make sense. But kitten fever is okay. My roommate, a.k.a. my cousin, already has one. And so we were looking at kittens online today and I think I am going to get one. Does anyone know where I can get free/cheap kittens in San Diego? ♥

I'm back and The Duggars are on my nerves

2008-10-11T14:09:00.001-07:00

I HAVE A COMPUTER!!!! Yes folks you read that right. I have my own computer now. Hence the serious lack of blogging lately. I surrendered the old one to "the ex" and I ordered myself a shiny new one. With my own money I might add. Yes that's right, I AM damn proud! Only its not so shiny... its PINK! So I should be back to blogging now. Now that I can store everything and not worry about SOMEONE leaking all my effin info!

So let me get started on a topic that Ashley and I are currently discussing- The Duggars. I know you've heard of them, the family with 17- soon to be 18- kids. I'm gonna throw my opinion out there right now. I don't like them. I think they are selfish. The doctors have suggested, no wait TOLD her not to have anymore kids. She can't hardly find a doctor who will deliver her anymore. Yet they keep going. Why? Is there a reason she's going? No. They just "leave it to God." I'm sorry but I am pretty sure God doesn't want one woman to have a million kids. That's just stupidity. Is it worth putting yourself and your unborn child in danger? No it really isn't. I want a big family but 18+ is just ridiculous!

And how much 1 on 1 time can you give your kids when you have 18 or more? Its seriously depriving their children of essential time. Not to mention the fact that the oldest kids always have to watch the youngest ones. I wonder how much Michelle, the mother, does. The kids have "jurisdictions" which are like chores. But they like clean the parents room and do the cooking and do the laundry. Does Michelle do anything besides pop out babies? That goes for Jim-Bob as well, what do you get the fun part? Don't get me wrong, obviously they are good parents. 17 children and they all seem pretty well behaved. But something just isn't right with this family!

Ugh okay they are like word vomit to me and I could go on and on, the names- OH the names! "J" seriously? There are only so many... The dating practices- don't get me started!! And so so much more. But for now I leave you with that. The craziness that is the Duggars!

Moving

2008-09-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

Or trying to anyways

I'm moving in with my cousin up in Temecula! So excited! But its taking a little while to get there. My moms house is a disaster with my stuff everywhere. I have to go through the boxes and boxes of things that were suddenly packed up in a rush last week. I know for a fact I ended up with a bunch of Chris's stuff. It kinda makes me mad. I got things like his poker chips... wth? What do I need those for? I still have his laptop, I took it because it is our biggest argument. And its really not fair that he gets to keep it when I need one too. But, I am buying a new one later this week and giving this one back.

We actually aren't doing this on horrible terms. Yes we argue- a lot. But we've always argued a lot. The big issue here is that he thinks I owe him the World (even tho he will deny it until he is blue in the face). And I don't owe him the World. This whole marriage has been US and he's making it Me and Him. So that's our biggest drama I think so far.

But back to the move. I am working on getting a car that gets better gas mileage. The Yukon sucks gas. And the drive is nearly an hour to work each way (or so Shannon says). I think I am buying my old Camry back- YAY! But I have to figure out how to get a $3,000 loan. Oh and did I mention that my credit is shitty? Fabulous.

But all in all I am in a fabulous place where I am super comfortable and happy. And life is getting better slowly but surely.

Project 365?

2008-09-22T22:34:00.000-07:00

I first heard about Project 365 from Kassi. IDK if that is the official name or something she just called it. But regardless, I'm considering starting it. I know nothing about photography. But Its a good way to learn right?

So I'd like some input. Project 365 or not?

Why I won't leave CW

2008-09-22T16:56:00.000-07:00

...because of my divorce

Corpswives started as a support system to get me through this last deployment. I signed up, thinking I wouldn't use it. Little did I know...

It turned into one of the most amazing "friends" for me. It really is. The whole board is like a person to me. When I have a question, I go there. When my heart is breaking, I go there. Its not like I am dependent on it to go through my day. There are things I keep from them, but there are also those things that I cannot WAIT to tell them. One day that time will come. But I have managed to gather some of my best friends from that website.

I won't leave, because it is a part of me. Marine Wife or not. I am a CW sister. In the future, I may marry another Marine. Or I may marry a civilian. Regardless, I am going to need my girls support. And they are there for me. And I love them for it.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

Starting Over!

2008-09-21T21:38:00.001-07:00

In the midst of this stupid stupid divorce, I have decided it is time to start a new blog! Its gonna be happy. And all about how I am trying to start over from a place where I was comfortable. This should be good!

Oh and this time, we're steering clear of the work stuff.