I miss my friend

I spent the hardest part of my life, thus far, with...and without... him, if that makes sense? He was deployed for a total of 14 months. Add on the month long training and thats 15 months. We were only married for 20 months. It was the strengthening I needed. When he left me it just made me stronger. It was the pain and the heartbreak that I needed.
I've always been super super trusting, of everyone. Its bad. I mean look at where I work- I have a tendency to believe the things THEY say. Haha and we all know thats not a good idea. And I would believe guys when they would tell me things. Now I have my guard. And it automatically goes up. You can be as sweet as you want to my face and be fuckin around behind my back. And that is what I am terrified. I sent my husband off to fight a war and instead he was fucking around. So think about it. I think I am justified to be afraid.
I miss Hannah. She moved to fucking VIRGINIA last week. Stupid Marine Corps. Give her back! I went shopping and I just wanted her there. Saddd. I know the MC takes people away all the time. But really... really?! NO. Who am I going to drink wine and do somersaults with? Who is going to walk with me to the PX? I drove past the main gate enterance the other day and I got so sad. She's gone. poop.
On the other hand, I have seen Ashley THREE TIMES this week. Holy hell. I don't think that has ever happened. I love her belly. I can't wait for Gunnar. I'm gonna be up there a lot more once he gets here I think.