I hate August 3rd. A year ago Chris came home. Blech. I don't feel like reminiscing so I'm not going to. Just know. I hate August 3rd.
Jalyn and I are going back to school! yay! I know, this is like the 80th time I've gone back. I just need to figure out what the heck I am doing with my life. I'm 23. Its time to slow the fuck down and grow up. I feel I am fully recovered from this crap- emotionally at least. And I'm ready to move on. But I can't move on until I have direction. At least that is how I feel.
New job starts next week. But I have to go to an orientation tomorrow. Can I shoot myself? For real. I've worked there. I know what to do. You're making me be a bagger. Are you SERIOUS?! UGH!! But, suck it up. Money is money. I cannot wait to get everything paid off. I cannot wait to not have to stress about money. I completely plan to keep both jobs so I can get on my feet. I want to move out. I love my parents. But its getting old living here.
Be on the lookout for pictures from this weekend. Drunky (not me) had the camera and she took like a million pictures. This should be good.
I thought since it was 1 am that I was posting this wayyyy earlier than Jennifer (The Foster Family) and therefore I wouldn't have the link. Ahhh but she beat me to it and already posted hers and a link!
Okay so here we go.
1. Amanda reminded me last week that I need to take a trip to Florida. I can't believe I forgot to post that! So #1 is a trip to florida!
2. Okay, I understand he's married. I even get that he has two daughters. But, is that gonna stop me?! Ask anyone around me. I will marry this man. Haha okay that's creepy. But you might wanna keep me away from him cause whose to stop me from kissing him?? Jason Aldean :) (oh why yes, this is my cell phone wallpaper haha)
3. No credit card debt. The fact that he fucked me over when he divorced me, is killing me. I'm not even gonna post how much debt he left me in (oh and he walked away from it all!) but lets just say I'm 23 and getting away from it isn't even an option right now- there's a reason I have two jobs.
4. Teeeechnically this is stolen. But, I've been thinking all night how bad I need a massage. Volleyball is kicking my ass right now :(
5. And because I have the patience of a 5 year old. I wish New Moon would come out already. You can only read books so many times before you want to see the movie... rather Rob Pattinsons face.
Oh and I have no idea if that's an official poster or not. I had never seen it before and so I figured why not?
Yes. I have been back to playing volleyball for the past 4 weeks now. I can safely say that I have successfully forgotten how to play. No. I didn't forget the rules or the basics. In fact, most of it came back- covering the block, my (amaaaaaazing) jump serve, setters hands. But explain to me why I have THE WORST timing I have ever seen in my life? No, I'm down there with the 14 year olds I used to coach (well I subbed for their coach, I had the 16 year olds). I hit like 90% today WITH MY FOREARM!!! WTH?! Okay, giving myself a bit of a break, it was a guys net and there were 4 of us so I was tired. But really?? I've NEVER done that, not even when I was 10 and just starting. Hitting has never been a challenge for me, it just came naturally. Sooo again, I repeat MY FOREARM?! Arg... Whatever, my college days are over, and tonight made that absolutely clear. But I'm playing in the Palomar Alumni Game in August. Back on a girls net. We'll see if that goes any better.
I got a second job. I'm back to working at the Vons I used to work at. I'm excited to be back. I missed the people there. They are amazing.
Other than all that, life has been slightly uneventful. And I am okay with that. The divorce is final very soon. And right now, that's all I can ask for.
Okay, so I absolutely love this song by Bomshel. I used to hate the group because I thought they were stupid (crap if you heard Bomshel Stomp you know what I mean). Well anyways, I just had a really bad night. I don't want to go into it really. I'm just honestly hurt right now. Anyways, I have this song on repeat right now. Its making me feel a little bit better.
Little girl alone on the playground Tired of gettin' teased and gettin' pushed around Wishin' she was invisible To them
She ran home cryin' "Why do they hate me?" And Mama wiped the tears and said "Baby, you're brave and you're beautiful. So, hold your head high. Don't ever let 'em define The light in your eyes. Love yourself, give them Hell. You can take on this world. You just stand and be strong And then fight Like a girl."
At 31 she was wheelin' and dealin' Kept on hittin' that same glass ceilin' She was never gonna one of the boys, no She coulda gave up on her ambition And spent the rest of her life just wishin' Instead she listened to her mama's voice sayin'
"Hold your head high. Don't ever let 'em define The light in your eyes. Love yourself, give them Hell. You can take on this world. You just stand and be strong And then fight Like a girl."
Oh, with style and grace Kick ass and take names
Ten years of climbin' that ladder Oh, but money and power don't matter When the doctor said "the cancer spread" She holds on tight to her husband and babies And says "this is just another test God gave me. And I know just how to handle this"
I'll hold my head high I'll never let this define The light in my eyes Love myself, give it Hell I'll take on this world If I stand and be strong No, I'll never give up I will conquer with love And I'll fight Like a girl
I'm going to try to start doing wishlist Wednesday every day...
1. An Ipod Touch. I don't have an ipod at all. Sad right? I don't want an iphone because I just got my new blackberry and I am in love. But I really really want an ipod touch.
2. A new windshield. Mine is cracked something fierce. And some of us don't make very much money. So it goes on the list lol. (this isn't my car lol)
3. This man. He is amazingly beautiful
4. Canon Rebel. I have the film camera and I want the digital
5. A home. Or at least somewhere to live thats not with my parents. I love my parents, but it gets annoying.
I've started doing CW's Biggest Loser again. I need to stick with it this time. In a week I lost 3.4 pounds. I know that isn't going to always be a typical weight loss. Once you get low enough it gets harder. But I'm trying. I've become increasingly unhappy with how I look and what I weigh.
Every week there are food challenges and exercise challenges. This week it is to drink half your body weight (in ounces) in water. Which means I'm drinking 94 ounces of water every day. Thats a ton! But I think its attainable. I'm taking a page from Suz Steece at Steece's Pieces and carrying around the same water bottle all day and just refilling it. I might add the crystal light packets like she was (is?) doing too. I think if I don't think about it, it will be easy.
As far as exercise goes, I've been running and playing volleyball really. Nothing exciting and nothing too new. I played volleyball for like ever. From 5th grade until my second year in college. I took a few years off, playing intermitently. I recently got in contact with an old friend from high school and he got me to play in a volleyball league with him. So Cyndi and I have been doing that for 2 weeks now. I am in heaven. I have missed volleyball so so much. I'm a bit rusty though. If I could remember how to jump it would be nice. Haha okay thats a joke. I can jump just not as high as I was once able to. Its so nice to be back though. I love it.
I've never really been huge on running. Though, when I had to I've always been pretty decent at long distance running. I'm still really out of it. I can't even make it a full freaking mile without stopping. But again, slowly but surely.
I believe Biggest Loser is 12 weeks, and in that 12 weeks I would like to loose 20 pounds. It would be nice if I could get that close. I'll keep you updated <3
(I stole this from my CW post. But I feel like it needs to be written other places)
1 Year Ago, I visibly noticed the end of my marriage. I can't, of course, pinpoint the day he cheated. I can't pinpoint the day things really went wrong. But last year he was supposed to be home by July 4th. When it came close to 4th of July and we had no date, things fell apart. We started fighting about everything. We pretended like things were okay. They weren't. The other woman started writing him letters. And his affection switched. I pretended to you guys that everything was fabulous and I was looking forward to him coming home. The truth? I wasn't. I knew when he came home we were going to have some pretty big knock out blow outs. Did I think it would ever come to this? The thought crossed my mind. I did send a few messages to people about it. But I never thought it would happen. I thought we were tough. I thought that we could make it. We had a day and a half where things were good. We went to bed and held each other all night. I woke up the next morning, completely awestruck that he was finally laying next to me. 2 deployments, 15 months, he was home and we didn't know for how long, but he was next to me. And that was all that mattered. We spent the second day in the house talking about his deployment. About the things he couldn't tell me over the phone. And we went to my parents for dinner. The next morning was the beginning of the end. He wanted to go to her house for a BBQ. I didn't. I didn't think it was fair that I was expected to go to her house when I told him that I didn't feel comfortable around her. He went anyways. The next day we got in a fight in naval hospital. His friend had surgery. And we were picking him up. We fought about, what else, her. And then he wanted me to get his friends medicine. Which idk how I felt about it. But, I didn't want to get it. It was the end. The very visible end. I think his friend knew. We were fighting like it was cool.
I don't remember where it went from there. Its all a big blur. I felt like I was tumbling head first down a hill and I couldn't stop. It felt as if anything that could go wrong would go wrong, Murphy's Law. I pushed. I pushed to fix it. I pushed to do anything he wanted. I cleaned. I cooked. I did everything he asked. I even invited her over. But it didn't work. The fighting got worse. He came home less and less. I don't know where he was staying. He told me once, his friends down in San Diego. Other than that he never told me. I still tried to put on a happy face. I didn't tell too many people what was going on. I think at this point you guys were clued in. But I don't remember how much I told you. There were very few people who knew the extent of everything. I was embarrassed, ashamed, hurt, betrayed and depressed. I didn't want people to know what I was going through. It was, thus far in my life, the darkest hour. Its what has made me who I am, a year later. It was a very defining moment in my life.
To this day I still hurt. I have come a long way, but I hurt. I still have a lot of healing to do. I have flashbacks (not in the PTSD way, but I just start remembering). I wonder why. What did I do wrong? There are moments I feel like I did something wrong and God is punishing me. Though, I know that is not true. I know that God isn't punishing me. I actually wonder if he was saving me, from being miserable. There are times when I wonder why I keep getting short changed, but everything goes his way. But I know its going to come back around to him. I will probably write something like this in about 2 months, when its about the time I moved out on him. Its a really weird feeling. And I don't even know why I am writing this. I feel like I need to tell someone these things. Someone who went through it with me. Someone who maybe has a little more grasp on what happened, then most people do. I owe some people a few thank you's. I really don't want to forget anyone. But so so so many people helped me that I may forget specific instances and I'm really sorry for that!
Hannah: First and foremost, I wouldn't have made it through all this without you. Without wine, without somersaults and guitar hero and the MTV awards. Without long walks and laughs and missing work. You came running when I needed a translator, you told me about what fell out of the trash, you met me in the driveway with wine. If you hadn't been at the mall with me that day, I don't know if I would have ever moved out. You gave me the strength I needed to do what was best for me. Thank you for crying with me, and when my hysteria got the best of me, for cracking up with me. Thank you for knowing exactly why I was laughing, without needing to be told. I wasn't kidding when I told you that I don't think I would have survived this if it weren't for you. I truly love you. And I will forever cherish you.
Ashley K: You have been an amazing friend. You and Sean understood when Hannah and I couldn't come up, that I had to move. You chatted late at night with me, you helped me attempt to figure it out. Words cannot express how understanding and awesome both you and Sean have been.
Diana: Though I'm not sure you remember, You helped when I started noticing things getting bad. You gave me the best advice. You are the reason I tried so hard. And that makes you part of the reason I have gotten so strong through all this.
Amanda S. and Cassie: Thank you so so so much for talking to me late at night, for allowing me to randomly text you, when I needed someone to vent to.
If I missed you, please please let me know. Those few months are such a blur that I don't remember exactly what happened. And if you read all this, kudos to you! I don't expect responses. I just had a lot of gratitude to express to you ladies for getting me through this last year. Words do not describe how thankful I am. I am truly at a point in life where I am very happy with the relationships I have.
Tonight I played volleyball for the first time in 3 years. I have never felt more alive. More like myself. I really feel like I am starting to go full circle.
I've always wanted to do something like this. And I finally saw a blog where someone else was obsessed. So here we are...
TextsFromLastNight.com Here are my thoughts on a few of these:
(703): The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am." I've seen cops like this. In fact, one night Jalyn and I were in the backseat and our DD got pulled over (he was sober). All the cop really said was "why are they in the backseat and you are driving? That's bullshit!" And we were on our merry way!
(802): that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight My sentiments exactly!! She does a horrendous job as Bella. NOT who I would have picked.
(703): While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens. No! Random sex can't happen when you are alone in your bed! That's called random masturbation.
(970): I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach. Bad Night... Or Bad Morning? The douche that did this deserves his balls cut off. What went through his head to do this? "Hmm let me keep her panties as a souvenir." He must not get laid much so he has to show off.
(405): So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid (1-405): Oh.My.God. Sadly. I believe this could and would happen. And she wouldn't understand when it came back dirty...
So this isn't exactly "tomorrow," but its still not a month later! lol.
Things have been going well enough. I'm loving my friends and I am super happy with life right now.
Let me tell you what happened two weeks ago, this coming Friday. I got KICKED out of the bar. Yea, you read that right. K.i.c.k.e.d.O.u.t. Its a funny story, tho. Jalyn and I decided to pregame in the parking lot before we went in, hoping to not spend as much inside. We are definitely in trouble, we drank a bottle of vodka... outside the bar. I think I ended up spending $75 inside anyways. Problem? A bit. I am still trying to piece the night together. But, I ended up standing on the bench part of the table, because I heard my friend leaving. Apparently, (I don't remember it going this way- but they swear it did) the waitress asked me to sit down. And (again according to them) I responded with "what the fuck are you gonna do about it?" Okay okay okay... anyone who knows me, knows that doesn't sound like me. So I am hesitant to believe it. I even remember, when Carrie was throwing me out, looking at her telling me I was giving the staff attitude and thinking 'what the fuck is she talking about?' But, they (friends and bouncers alike) swear up and down it happened. If it did happen, I deserved it. I do know I was pretty beligerent that night and it wasn't smart. And if I did say it, then I deserved it. I've kinda learned my lesson from that. I've calmed down a bit. Obviously, I'm still gonna drink, but I do not plan on repeating that weekend. It was not my proudest moment.
Went ice skating with the Heather and Amber yesterday. I love those girls. I'm gonna be kinda sad when Amber moves in a few weeks. Here are some awesome pictures lol
PS- What do you think of the new background and layout? Gimme some feedback and let me know.
I'm not even gonna post what's happened since my last post. Mostly cause I don't remember.
As of Thursday, I thought my divorce was finalized. As of about 15 minutes ago, I have decided differently. I got a paper in the mail Friday that I read over today. Google comes in handy. I feel like I have an uphill climb.
Enough of that. Let's recap with some pictures!
The weekend of April 25-26 I went to a two day country concert in Indio, California, called Stagecoach. For what its worth: Miranda Lambert and Kid Rock
It was a good weekend. I made a ton of new friends. Who are awesome. And it really reminded me why I am glad that we are getting divorced. We would have NEVER done something like this cause he hated country.
There are big things on the horizon for me. I will try to post more on that tomorrow. When I have more info. Fingers crossed and prayers please! Its finally time I did something in my life, and this is huge for me!
Hello World! Did you forget me? Did you miss me? I know I've been absent for a while and I never did fully elaborate on that last post.
That last post meant I was gonna give someone a chance. I had been putting this kid off and putting him off. I did NOT want to give him a chance. But I did it. I hung out at his house and watched a movie. Ooops. That was a bad idea. But lets give him another chance. In fact I set him up for 3 chances, a Tuesday, a Wednesday and a Thursday night. I went over there Tuesday night. We watched Full Metal Jacket. I had never seen it before. A lot of talking. Oops. Okay, I'll open up to this kid. Wednesday, he cancels. Shit. Thursday, he calls me as I am getting off work and wants to go to a bar. Um, no. So he cancels. Shit. At this point, I was more than frustrated. Friday, didn't hear from him until he called C when we were at the bar. I answered her phone. It was interesting, we ended up getting into an arguement cause he hung up on me.
But that same night, I was drinking away because frankly I was pissed. They took my cell phone away (they being K and C). I ended up talking to this guy all night. We'll call him J. He was really nice. Going through the same things that I have been through. I was actually my drunkest that night, so why he put up with it, I don't know. But anyways, he got my number- somehow. He texted me the next day. Super sweet guy. We have a lot in common. He invited me to Stagecoach (http://stagecoachfestival.com/). Of course I am stoked to go. We went on a date Sunday. It was nice. Its been really nice having someone who actually cares about me.
Thursday was a very defining day in my life. I know it sounds crazy, but heres why. I went bowling with C and her boyfriend. J came with us as well. Then we all went to a bar on base. I had a feeling this might turn out bad, the first guy frequents there as do the brothers. So C got in the door first and scoped the bar. She turns and says "I'm clear!" And turns back and says "oh, you're not." YUP he was there. Lemme tell you a little something about him. He's very ominuous. Well, he sees me walk in with J and he's not too happy about it. I'm sorry, where was it written that I am dating only you? Didn't think so. Well, he stares J down. Fun. We all (C, boyfriend, me and J) go outside.He is out there. Great. He wants to talk to me. Even better. I decided why not, might as well calm this situation now. He starts telling me how he has these feelings for me, and it pissed him off seeing me walk in there with another guy. Oh, and he wanted to put his fist through J's jaw. Great. The best I could manage was "hit him and I am done, for good." He tells me "no promises." Good fun. lol. Have I ever mentioned how awesome my friends are? Boyfriend actually took me aside and told me to stick with J. That the other is no good and just drama. I noticed. But really, this was the first day I met the boyfriend, so for him to take me aside like that was huge to me. Anyways, the whole bar was trying to calm him down and not let him fight. And there were some amazing people talking to me that night. Of course none better than C who played referee all night. But we all had fun. At the end of the night, I was dancing (a little intoxicated) and he comes up to me. "Let's talk." No. I am dancing. "Come here let's talk." No I am dancing. "Its now or never." NO! I am dancing. Of course I pissed him off. He walks away, as I am watching him stare J down. And then I see a rush of people follow him out to smoke. Hmmm... Later after I was done dancing, he comes up to me and says What you just did shows me a lot. Don't call me, don't text me, don't talk to me." I looked him square in the eye and said "no problem, I'm done." And walked away.
I do feel bad for doing it so meanly. But at the same time, dude is nothing but dramaaaa. And J is an amazing guy and I look forward to getting to know him better.
I'll write later on last night, but I'm about to get off work. Oh and did I mention I have bronchitis?
I feel like I had a slow weekend. But it wasn't. Maybe it was just slow in the definition of men. I managed to dance with not one, but two 19 year olds (it was a favor to someone!). One of those 19 year olds being a midget. Okay, he wasn't a midget. But he was like 5'4". I'm not a short girl. I am about 5'11"- you do the math. I also managed to stand around and look like a damn idiot while all my friends were asked to dance. That's a huge confidence boost, let me tell ya. NOT. Fuck. What is going on? I managed to find two really hot guys. Only to discover about a half hour later- THEY HAD X's! Wth? So lemme start with Friday. K was willing to DD for me. Awesome. Love that girl. Got to the bar. Met up with C who was having drama. So we went to the bar. SoCo shots it is. Now I don't usually do shots. But when I do, I am a champ... Getting up for work was not fun. I was sick until about 5:30 on Saturday.
Saturday I was 100% sober. I wanted NOTHING to do with alcohol. I still don't. I actually had to think twice about going out that night. I learned a few new dances which I am totally proud of. Now onto some pictures...
Needless to say, I don't plan on drinking until May. Even though that's a lie. I don't really want to repeat Friday night/Saturday morning over again. Unless I don't have to work. So we'll see, right?
I've been into Jason Aldean sice "Amarillo Sky" came out. Now, he will be here in 2 weeks. And I will be there. Who is Jason Aldean?
THAT is Jason Aldean
I could stare at that face forever. Anyways, I now have the urge to get cowboy boots. And a cowboy hat. I found some boots yesterday But I don't have $90 just lying around. So, I am ChaChaing for the money. I'm at $82 or something right now. I need $18 by the 15th in order to get my direct deposit. I think I should be able to do it. I need to find a cute hat too. Any ideas?
I'm certainly not country. But I'm as country as it comes for San Diego I think. And for the first time in a long time, I feel happy. I feel like who I am and who I am supposed to be. And that is why I am taking this and running.
There isn't much to report on any other front. I wish I could show you a picture of the new man crush. But that would be totally stalkerish. CW is down. I don't know what we are all gonna do. We sorta get lost when that happens haha.
I'm not one of those girls who will believe anything a guy tells her. Let me start there. Last night I was out with Cyndi and Sarah. We were all in bad moods. Sarah had every reason to be. Cyndi did too. Me, not really. I think theirs just rubbed off on me. I had a moment when all I needed to do was seethe. So I walked out with Cyndi and took a cigarette. No I am not a smoker. I smoke when I drink. I wasn't drinking. I just needed to relax. There were these two guys standing next to us, but it wasn't anything, they just happened to be there. I was talking to Cyndi and moving my arms to talk and I flung my arms back, and sure enough- burned some guys hand. I felt like the biggest asshat (yes the word is actually relevent here)around. I made sure the guy was okay, and when he talked he had a Brittish accent. We thought he was faking. Turns out the two guys standing next to us were with him. He starts talking to his friend about the girl that burnt him (while standing next to me mind you). His friend had an Irish accent. We totally thought they were faking. Asked them all sorts of questions, including "why are you in America, and at the Stampede?" They told us they were in the British Navy and here for 2 weeks for a sky diving class. Bull shit. We let them know that we 100% believed that they were lying to us and that their accents were fake. But we still talked to them, they were cute.
After a while, I decided the lie was getting old and asked to see an ID to prove that they weren't from America. Damn. "British Royal Navy" was all I saw at first. Shit. They were telling the truth. That made them all the cuter. So we get to talkin. I bullshit Owen, the guy from Ireland. We were talking about Irish heritage. I Tell him that I have the most Irish name of Cyndi and Sarah. I do. Legally. Then Sarah told him not to believe me and it was my divorced name lol. True. But then I say but my first name is Colleen. Nothing makes me smile more than an Irish man telling me "Thats a good Irish name." I kinda felt like saying "well no shit." But I didn't. An American girl with an Irish name like the (it means literally "Irish Girl").
We were all out talking. And Sarah comes in to tell us that "God Bless Texas" is on. Gotta dance. Shit. The boys. So we invite them in and tell them we will teach them to dance. They took us up on it. But when we got in the song was over. Another song came on. I didn't know this one. Owen, Alex (the british guy) and I tried to learn it. I think I heard "This isn't dancing" over and over. lol.
They are in town for 2 weeks, so I told them they had to come back next weekend. We'll see if they do. But either way, I met a handful of guys (we met more later on) from the British Royal Navy. All because I burnt one with a cigarette.
For the last two-ish years of my life I have tried to rush through. Every day was 1 day gone, every week was another week down. Just to get to the end of a deployment. And I've found that, once you've changed the way you life your life so dramatically, its hard to go back. I don't even remember how I used to live, when I didn't hurry up and rush. During deployments I would use PostSecret to get through the week. Every Saturday night/ Sunday morning I would head over and look at the new secrets. It felt like ahh another week done. And it was an accomplishment. Last night I checked PostSecret and it was weird to me. I have these realizations every now and then. Its like oh yea, Chris is gone. I had that last night looking at PostSecret. Only this time, it was "you're not rushing to get through a deployment, you now have to live life alone." I felt so weird about it all. Logically, I know he's gone. I know our marriage is over. And I'm totally fine with that. But its just the little things I used to do while waiting, and I need to get used to that. Reading PostSecret now is just that, reading PostSecret. Watching Grey's is just that. Life has become an endless cycle and no more rushing. And, honestly... I'm not sure what to do with that.
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Post the first line from the first 55 songs that play.
3. Strike through the songs when someone guesses both the song and artist correctly.
1. I like where we are
2. We were both young when I first saw you
3. 2 dollars short of a 5 dollar bill
4. Children, sleeping, snow is softly falling
5. She dresses up her children and herds them to the car, drives down to the mega-church and can’t find a place to park.
6. When I am down and all my soul so weary
7. You're in my arms and all the world is calm
8. I'm so addicted to all the things you do
9. Come my little friends
10 Yea, This song is about you
11. Superstar, where you from? How's it goin?
12. I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
13. They say life is so much sweeter
14. Don't Cry to me, if you loved me
15. County Road 233
16. Mr. DJ can I make a request?
17. I couldn't give a damn what you said to me
18. When the Moon hits your eye
19. There's something 'bout the way the street looks when its just rained
20. I'm 5 years old its getting cold out
21. I found God, on the corner of 1st and Armistad
22. Got up on the wrong side of life today
23. A waltz when she walks in the room
24. I've always needed time on my own
25. Girl you're beautiful
26. Hey step aside brother, you're blockin my view
27. They Used to make me go to church
28. We're both looking for something
29. She got her daddys tongue and temper
30. Her momma named her Daisy
31. Her daddy gave her her first pony
32. Waking Up at the start of the end of the world
33. Run your car off the side of the road
34. No Sir, Well I don't wanna be the blame
35. Normally this time of night, you wouldn't find me here
36. It took me 5 bars, some 30 license plates
37. I don't know why I left
38. We got Tennessee Moonshine, Chicken and Beer
39. You're on the phone with your girlfriend
40. He is sensible and so incredible
41. Since the day they got married
42. 'Bout 10 years old hide and seek
43. Guess this Means you're sorry
44. I might not have a million dollars in the bank
45. I remember all my life rainin down as cold as ice
46. I'm holding on your rope
47. Boy walkin' the spot he so fresh and
48. Forgive, sounds good
49. Don't walk away like you always do, this time
50. Turn the Lights off in this place
51. How can I decide whats right?
52. Its down to this, I've got to make this life make sense
53. I'm sittin on the fender of someone else's truck
54. Baby when I look at you with your hair fallin down and your baby blues
55. I got my Sight Set on you and I'm ready to aim
Its called going out and having fun. I've never really been the go out kinda girl. I'm the girl you take home to mom (though a few people may beg to differ after this weekend). Let me start this post with a personal message. The person this is to (if she reads this, and I'm sure she will) knows who its to. I knew that there was a chance I would see you there, and I dealt with that in advance. Yes I saw you. Like you said we coulda made drama about it all, but instead we just let it all go. Its not worth ruining our nights because we had a falling out. It happens. I was having a good time, just as it seemed you were too. Now that the word vomit and conscious are out of the way... I had plans to go out on Friday night with some people, but unfortunately that fell through. So I was invited to go to Stampede with some girls from high school that I literally have not seen since high school. But the funny thing is we were pretty decent friends back then. I talked to Stef and she decided she would come with me, even if she HATED country (PS Stef I really owe you, thank you!). So we get ready and go to dinner and then end up at Stampede. I saw Sarah first thing when I walked in. Sarah was the birthday girl and one of my friends from high school that I was talking about. We found the rest of the girls that were with her and I was introduced to those I didn't know and I went to get a drink. It took sometime before I knew a dance to actually dance to. And when I went out there it alllll came flooding back. I knew how to do this! lol. Cyndi and Sarah kinda know like everyone there, so I was being introduced to people left and right. It was fun. But let's just suffice it to say I kinda made myself known a little bit that first night as far as someone I was... spending time with? ... oops. Cyndi texted me yesterday (Saturday) and said she wanted to go out, but since Sarah had her birthday dinner she couldn't go. I said lets go ahead and go, I live like a mile from there, she could crash at my place and I'll drive. So back we go. A little less eventful in the way of seeing people I didn't plan on seeing, but a fun night all together. I met more people, which I have a feeling I will be meeting more in the trips to come lol. I've slowly learned to step out and not be so painfully shy at first. I was in full on bitch mode last night. And as much as I would love to tell you the stories, idk who is going to stumble upon my blog, so ask me and I will tell you the story personally. Lets just say that I've learned to get my way :) Slow music started to play and sadly for me, it was "Fall" by Clay Walker. That song breaks my heart. There is no reason really. Okay I lied there is. The first time I went to Stampede like last summer, some random guy came up to me and asked me to dance. I wasn't really comfortable with that since I was married and all. Well the song was "Fall." And it just got me really sad with Chris being gone at the time and all. So, for whatever reason, that song has a special place in my heart. Even now, after the divorce? idk.. So anyways Fall comes on. And this guy we were hanging out with asks Cyndi to dance. And there's no way anyone could know about this song, because this is the first time I have ever even told the story. So needless to say, I was stuck being sad to this song again. But I survived. Long enough to have him come ask me to dance after that. It was worth the wait. That's all I'm saying. I had two other guys come up to me last night and ask me to dance. Cyndi and I concluded they were part of a rodeo. They weren't marines (which is usually the first instinct when there is a group of guys at a bar in san diego area) and they had on some rodeo jackets. Idk? And we two-stepped. I wish someone had a video camera. I sooo didn't know what the hell I was doing. And I knew the basic steps, but then the first one caught on that I knew what I was doing-ish and said that he was gonna complicate it. He started adding spins and twirls and dips and my two left feet kicked in. But I was cracking up the whole time cause I knew I looked ri-damn-diculous and I didn't care because I was out there and having fun lol. It was a good weekend. I learned a few things (which is totally how I wanna start ending my posts) 1. I need to stop being so painfully shy 2. The line "Here's my number call me when your sober" is a good way to weed through the men. 3. Even though your shoes are cute, they will probably hurt. 4. Get to the bar early enough and even the DD can have a drink or two. 5. When its line dancing, even I can pull it off :)
I went out last night. I've been out before. But as Colleen C. The married girl. But last night for the first time it was Colleen P. The unmarried and single. I didn't want to go out originally. But Stef talked me into it. We went to a bar in my hometown to watch her dad's band (I've been watching her dad play since like 7th grade!). Stef is a dance teacher so being with her just made me look good. Even though I can't dance and its taken her 13 years to get me on a dance floor (I can't believe I am old enough to know someone for 13 years lol)! I have a new rule. If you went to high school with my older brother. If I can show you a picture of his baby and you tell me how much he looks like my brother, we have no future. You're too old. Okay no you're not too old. But you knew my brother when he was nerdy. And thats slightly uncomfortable for me. There's not really gonna be much there. I had a completely sober night. I had to work this morning. Booo. I coulda gotten drunk but thats not the point. It was fun to just get out there and be an adult and figure out how the crazy grown up world works!
I used my 25 things off of Facebook to do another wordle. I figure what better describes me?
Here is the Wordle
And in case you were wondering... Here is my 25 things..
1. I am so completely facebook illiterate that I didn't even know how to post this note. 2. I do nothing, I work, I stay at home, and I go visit the preggo 3. When I do get drunk, its a sight to be seen. 4. I am in the middle of a divorce. 5. I had myspace before myspace was cool 6. I don't know how to have a grown up relationship because I have never had to be in one. 7. I am utterly in love with Gilmore Girls 8. I had knee surgery in 2007. It was supposed to keep me from playing volleyball, but I played one last season before I gave it up. 9. I have had the same car for almost 5 years, but two years in the middle it wasn't mine. 10. I am crazy conservative. To the point where I don't see why we fight so hard for women's rights 11. Sean thinks I am destined to become a crazy cat lady, and sometimes I actually believe him. 12. I have two homes and one part time job and have no idea how I survive. 13. I once had a bartender tell me I was her hero, for downing a shot of soco and lime with no chaser. She continued to ask the person I was with if I was going to be okay. I was. 14. Though I hate the fact that I am getting divorced, my favorite thing to say is "I was a wife once, I do know how to do this." 15.I didn't drink until I was 21. 16. I never once got detention or suspended or anything of the like throughout school. 17. I am the girl you take home to mom. 19. I love talking about myself, but I get self conscious about it 18. I want at least 4 kids, and I have two of them named 20. I am strangely obsessed with a clean kitchen and I won't eat out of a kitchen that I don't know how/when someone cleaned it 21. I am a serial monogamous 22. I am living vicariously through Ashley but I am afraid I will see her baby more than my own nephew, only because I have the opportunity and my brother doesn't give that to me. 23. I sometimes wonder how I became an adult and if I really am. 24. I love the rain but I prefer to dress in summer clothes 25. I learn more about myself by reading things about other people and thinking "oh yea me too!!"
I've had some prettttty pissed off posts lately. I'm sorry. I decided today I would do something fun...ish. How about some more photography? Remember how I pretend to do that? lol.
These are outside my parents home.
My brothers girlfriend lives with us, and for Halloween they thought it would be fun to decorate the house. Well one of the candles on the porch burned a bit too much and this is what was left lol...
I am Colleen. I am 23 years old. This is the story of me learning how to move on, grow up, and come to terms with the circumstances in my life. Like it or love it, this is me.
